Because I want everyone else to feel my pain as well…
The world lost one of its greatest men today. We are a poorer place for it.
I’d say definitively…Yes? I think I hit 32/34.
You start all your stories with “When I was in…” You only TIVO the travel channel. You read guidebooks for fun. You plan trips you will never take. You take toilet paper everywhere you go out of habit. You have more than one currency in your wallet. You keep a packed suitcase handy just in case. Your iPod only has songs related to traveling. You run a travel blog. You speak in airport codes not city names. You can tell where people have been by the cheesy logos and sayings on their shirts. (Same Same = Thailand, Yellow Star = Vietnam) You don’t take sick days so you can use them for extra long vacations. You have elite flier status on multiple airlines. You attend travel conferences multiple times a year. You always ask people “where are you from?” instead of “How are you?” You don’t have paintings on the wall – you have maps. If you haven’t been anywhere in a few months, you get the shakes. You spend two hours each day reading travel blogs and websites. You subscribe to multiple travel magazines. When you think of prices, you value things in terms how many days in your next destination it costs. “That TV is ten days in Paris! Let’s get this one – it’s only five!”
- Some people voted for Barack Obama, you voted for Anthony Bourdain.
When people ask you about your hobbies, all your answers contain the word “travel.” Some people cry when they leave home. You cry when you have to go back. When people ask you your profession, you say vagabond. You filled your passport in the first year you had it. Lonely Planet is your homepage. You are a travel hacker - not because you travel a lot but because it’s fun. You have trips planned for next decade.
- Your tramp stamp is a globe.
You can identify planes just by looking at them. You can name the airline by looking an airplane’s tale. You can say “Cheers” in multiple languages. Your bookshelf only has travel novels. You write a post about being a travel addict.
Is that sad? lol
It probably would be 34/34, except…
I don’t live in the US so couldn’t vote for Bourdain even if I wanted to…
And I refuse to get a tramp stamp full-stop. It’s tacky and bogan.
This started as an experiment to see if I could make vegan tzatziki that tasted ok.
- 1 small tub plain soy yogurt
- 1 small Lebanese cucumber finely chopped
- 1 teaspoon minced garlic
- 1 tablespoon lemon juice
- Salt and pepper to taste
- Mix everything together and eat!
My lunch recipe as seen in the photo?
- 1 gluten free bread roll (I use Pure Bred)
- Vegan tzatziki
- 1 tablespoon sliced black olives
- Gluten free tabbouleh (made with quinoa, I buy it pre-made from the local deli)
- Gluten free and vegan falafels (there’s a brand in Australia called Syndian that makes them, can be found at Coles and Woolies)
For the record, yes, the tzatziki tasted good! I probably use a bit more pepper than most people would like, but that’s just personal taste. I like a bit of kick to my food.
So I bought a new phone and ported back to Telstra because I had the epic shits with Vodafone.
Easy enough, right? I go into the store, ask all the relevant questions, get answers from the sales rep that I’m happy with…And sign up.
Then at the end of signing all the paperwork, I asked if international roaming was activated by default or whether I needed to ring up to activate it.
“Oh no! You can’t use roaming until you’ve been signed on with us for 6 months!”
Excuse the fuck out of me…What? I asked upfront about international roaming and was told that it could be set up immediately for my travel.
"Oops! Sorry, my bad!”
After threatening to walk on the contract and terminate everything on the spot, the sales rep says I can’t do that. Bullshit. Of course I can. There’s a cooling off period on all contracts. I could have terminated it on the spot and if they tried to refuse me, I could have taken legal action for her giving me blatantly false information regarding international roaming. I said all this to the rep’s face.
Suddenly there was a solution! I could ring the call centre and get them to activate international roaming. So I sat down in the Telstra shop again and spoke to some guy in the call centre to get roaming activated on my new phone. I was told it could take up to 24 hours to go through the system, but that everything had been approved and gone through.
But wait! There’s more!
2 days later I get a phone call from the Telstra shop asking me about my experience. I told them what I thought, and the person I spoke to asked if there was anything else they could do for me. I asked them to make sure that roaming was indeed activated on my phone, just out of paranoia.
It wasn’t activated.
Seriously Telstra? Seriously?
I asked what the fuck was going on since the guy I spoke to in the call centre told me that it was activated!
Apparently he’s put a note in my account saying I wanted it activated, but it was never actually processed. Why? Because you have to wait 6 months before they will activate roaming on your phone.
Fuck that. Was there a way around it? Because if there wasn’t, I was terminating my contract on the spot and going back to Vodafone (as painful as that thought was).
I had to credit my Telstra account $300 in advance and they could activate roaming for me. Total bullshit, but I need roaming. I’m required to call in to my employer every 48 hours to let them know I’m safe when I’m in the field alone. I had no option but to pay the $300.
It’s activated now.
But seriously Telstra? You need to fucking train your staff. They flat out lied to me, multiple times.
Ignorance is not an excuse.
So as I post fairly regularly, my ineptitude in the kitchen is notorious.
Today I bought some toffee because I wanted to melt it and pour it over my ice cream for dessert. I mean I didn’t trust myself to actually make the toffee because hell, I’d blow up my stove or something…
But how hard could it be to just melt it later and pour it over my ice cream? Famous last words…
I stuck the toffee in a microwave safe container and put it in for 1 minute on high. Ten seconds later? Microwave stops working and smoke is pouring out. Which set off the smoke alarm in my apartment. Open the microwave door and the container has melted all over the glass turntable.
Yep. In 10 seconds I melted a microwave safe container, set off the smoke alarm and fried my microwave.
I know not to microwave metal stuff. I know not to microwave eggs in the shell. Why the hell didn’t anybody ever tell me not to microwave toffee?
You want to know why I hate cooking? lol
The sad thing is that this isn’t the first time something like this has happened to me.
Fuck my life. Now I have to go buy a new microwave.
Some days you just want a milkshake. Or a smoothie.
Here’s my vegan smoothie recipe!
- 500 ml unsweetened almond milk
- 100 grams mixed berries
- 100 grams silken tofu
- 4 teaspoons sugar (or equivalent amount of your preferred sweetener)
- 1 scoop vanilla soy ice cream
- Put everything in a blender and blend until there’s no chunks left
Obviously if you don’t want/like berries, you can substitute banana or mango or whatever fruit you like (or is cheap on the day!). I happened to have some frozen berries, so I made berry smoothie. I might buy some bananas later and use the rest of the almond milk to make banana smoothies tomorrow.
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